


You Try To Control Everything

by cloneclubbingcreampuff



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:21:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloneclubbingcreampuff/pseuds/cloneclubbingcreampuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abby is wracked with guilt after Clarke leaves, and goes to Raven for comfort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Try To Control Everything

Abby stood in her room and sighed. She had reached the end of another hectic day and there was still no word from Clarke. It had taken Abby a month to still her racing thoughts about all of the possibilities. She refused to think the worst now. Clarke was still alive, of that she was certain. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on what mood Abby was in) she'd been busy with her medical duties because most of the people in the camp seemed to have the urge to play fast and loose with their health. Last week, two kids had been playing around outside the fence and had gotten an infection from a dead bird they'd found. They were still being monitored and Abby really didn't know what to do since she didn't have access to a lot of medicine. What little they had was rationed, but if she wasn't careful, there would be riots. 

Even though Kane was officially Chancellor, she felt like she still made most of the leadership decisions, because Kane would let the power go to his head and no one deserved that. She still didn't trust him, and she still had the scars from when he'd ordered her to be lashed. It really was true, in this case anyway, that the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. 

Some things had changed for the better. Raven was recovering, able to walk almost as well as she had before her injury. Thelonius was gone, along with several others, to search for some City of LIght. Abby didn't know what to think of that, only that she hoped Thelonius wouldn't completely lose the remaining shred of sanity he possessed. On the Ark, trust, friendship and love were fickle things, things that were constantly shifting. Every decision made in order to survive shaped the way she viewed humanity, and how precious it was. She cared for every life, every person, while Kane and Thelonius both seemed to have a different opinion. Abby had loved Jake, and Thelonius, the man she had been loyal to, had him floated. The only people she fully trusted were Callie, Clarke and Raven, and now two out of those three were gone. 

Abby told herself that if she just knew where Clarke was, she'd be okay, at peace. But deep down, she blamed herself for Clarke leaving. If she'd just tried to talk with her more, to make her understand that she hadn't known Jake would die, and that she'd been a naive fool who thought that maybe she could change things, Clarke would still be here. Clarke wouldn't feel like she had to bear the guilt of the lives lost in Mount Weather. Her little girl had been through too much, and Raven was right. Abby had sent her own daughter down to Earth to die. The guilt of that was too much to bear, especially in the quiet moments after a long hard day, when she had nothing but her past mistakes to dwell on. 

Pushing those thoughts aside, Abby brushed her hands on her pants and walked out of her room. She was restless, and needed someone to talk to. Raven seemed like a good candidate. She walked out of her room and felt it whoosh as she tapped the metal button near the opening. 

The sound of crickets chirping greeted her as she stepped outside. It wasn't too chilly, but Abby folded her arms over her chest as she passed several groups of people huddling around campfires. It still struck Abby, even now, how beautiful the stars were, how fresh the air smelled. The first forty years of her life had been spent on the Ark, with its recycled oxygen and unforgiving policies, and now it felt like she was born again. She could feel the dirt beneath her shoes, could breathe the essence of life itself. It was heaven. 

When she reached Raven's quarters, she considered just turning back, since it was rather late. Then she thought about seeing Raven's smile, or if she'd even get to see it, because lately the young woman hadn't been as quick to offer an easy grin as she had before FInn's death. Still, Abby wanted to provide whatever comfort she could, so she quickened her step and walked to the other side of the Ark and down the hallway close to Raven's room, which also doubled as Raven's private workshop, even though there was barely enough room for a bed and a table. She raised her hand to knock and stepped back as the door slid open. Blinking, she leaned against the opposite wall as the main engineer--Wick--stomped out of the room. 

"Fine. Message received, Raven. I won't bother you anymore. I thought we had something." 

"We did, and now it's over." Raven said, looking anywhere but at Wick. She noticed Abby in the hallway and scratched the back of her neck. "Abby, hey. Wick was just leaving." 

"No. I mean, I can go-"

"It's fine," Wick interrupted. "She's right. I--I guess I hoped for too much." With that, he walked down the hall. Abby watch him turn the corner before her gaze fell on Raven. 

"That was kind of harsh, don't you think?" 

"Maybe. I just--he wanted something more than I could give. There's no easy way to stop that kind of thing." Raven shrugged, like she couldn't care less, but Abby wasn't buying that act. Still, she stayed silent as she stepped inside the miniscule room after Raven gestured for her to enter, and sat on the bed. 

"I just came by to talk." 

"I haven't heard from Clarke, Abby. No radio signals or walkie transmissions. She didn't even take one with her, I don't think, and she's probably way out of range--"

"Not about Clarke," Abby said, hating that it sounded like she was whining. 

"Okay," Raven said slowly. She unfolded her arms and sighed, then joined Abby on the bed, sitting close. "This must be tough for you. Clarke and I aren't on great terms right now, but...I do miss her. I can't imagine how much you do." 

"Thank you," Abby breathed. "I hate being weak, but I really needed to hear that."

Raven made a 'pfft' noise with her mouth, before running a hand through her hair and tilting her head towards Abby. "You're the strongest person I know." 

With each second that passed, Abby felt better. Safe. Like nothing could break the happiness that was pouring into her, all because of Raven's sincere expression, and the way her eyes were boring into hers. This was unfamiliar, but a quiet thrill settled in Abby's stomach. Oh. Oh no. Not now. Not ever, not for Raven of all people. 

Abby was suddenly hyper aware of every movement, every breath she and Raven took. Her hands twitched where they sat on her lap, and she looked down at them, analyzing the veins in her hand before plastering on a smile. "Well, this has been great, but I better go. I'm kind of tired."  
"  
What?" Raven shifted, fixing Abby with a frown. "You just got here. Stay a little longer. We can break open some of Monty's moonshine, make it a party," Raven added, and smiled. The smile that Abby had so been looking forward to seeing. It was beautiful; who could blame her for the way it lit up her insides?

Answer? Abby could. So much self-blame was going on right now. To throw Monty's moonshine into the mix was just an epically bad idea. 

"I've had his moonshine. I'm going to have to pass," she said, smirking. 

Raven sighed. "Fine. Actually, I should probably hit the hay too. I have to repair some fences and Kane wants that done first thing." She rolled her eyes before adding, "See you tomorrow?" 

"Tomorrow," Abby agreed, before standing up and almost knocking over some of Raven's tools in her haste to get the hell out of there. 

 

\----

 

Kane had been bothering her all day, and Abby was two seconds away from throwing her sharpest scalpel at his jugular. The man's intentions were good, but he had to understand that even though he was Chancellor, he couldn't control everything that went on in the camp. This wasn't the Ark, and his title didn't really mean much. It was something Abby was sure everyone thought but hadn't dared to say. Well, she was going to say it, because it was high time to. Even if it earned her more lashes. 

The man actually thought he could keep the people from going out and exploring the forest, even though they were running out of food and more hunting parties couldn't hurt. He argued that the reason people were getting sick and hurt was because they weren't prepared, and Abby knew he'd probably never understand that if they just stayed holed up in the camp, they'd never learn how to survive. 

He was just so frustrating. 

The 'conference' turned into a mass argument between the two of them. Jackson cleared his throat, and Abby noticed that Sinclair and several of the others looked extremely uncomfortable. She had to leave. 

"Whatever rules you decide to impose, Kane, trust me, people won't follow them, because they don't respect you. You treat them like slaves and they're smart enough to notice it." 

That did nothing to soothe her temper, even though it felt pretty good to say. She walked out, fists clenched and breathing labored, until she found herself standing outside of Raven's quarters. This was the second time in as many days that she'd gone to Raven for comfort, and Abby wondered what that said about her. Well, she knew what it said. She wasn't stupid. What she didn't understand was why she'd never noticed this pull before, when it had been so obvious. She trusted Raven. She considered her a friend and wanted the young woman to trust her and confide in her. That in and of itself was innocent enough, but whatever she felt last night added up to something terrifyingly close to attraction. Oh god. Clarke was going to kill her. 

Clarke. Where was she? Why did she leave without even saying goodbye? Wherever she was, Abby just hoped she was alright. The deep ache she felt in her chest wouldn't lessen until she knew her baby was safe. 

She leaned against the wall before knocking lightly on Raven's door, and three seconds later it whooshed open. Raven was leaning against the table, and immediately cocked an eyebrow when she saw Abby's expression. 

"Woah. You look really pissed off." 

"I am. Kane is being his usually charming self and I might have just told him that no one respects him. The repercussions of that will be fun," Abby answered, sarcasm dripping off of her tongue. She wasn't usually like this, but she was just so angry and before long, she was pacing the short expanse of Raven's bedroom. 

"Okay, I think now is a good time for some of that moonshine," Raven diagnosed.

"Maybe you're right." 

Raven looked shocked for a moment before turning to her desk and opening the second drawer from the top. She removed two shot glasses and poured the moonshine into them. Their fingers didn't brush as Raven handed her the glass; Abby made sure that they didn't, because again, she was pretty aware of everything. It was unsettling, but necessary. 

"To speaking your mind," Raven said, stepping close and clinking her shot glass lightly with Abby's. 

It didn't go down smooth, not by a long shot, but it was what Abby needed. She coughed before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and Raven chuckled. Air tickled the side of Abby's neck and only then did she notice how close they were to each other. Raven was standing in her personal space, looking into her eyes. The mechanic was only a little bit taller than her, but this close, Abby felt a lot smaller than she was. 

"Um... I have to go." 

"What for? Another medical emergency?" 

Abby blinked before realizing that Raven had given her a perfect excuse. "Yes. I have to make rounds. Make sure...um...that no one else does something stupid that might be a danger to their health." 

"Oh, come on. For all you talk about how Kane tries to control everything, you try just as hard to do the same thing." 

"What? I do not." Abby took two steps back until her legs hit the bed, and she unceremoniously plopped onto it. Raven chuckled again and looked down at her before pouring herself another tumbler full of the rancid liquor. She offered Abby some more, but she shook her head and set her glass on the shelf by the bed. One hit of that stuff was plenty. 

"You do. You try to control Clarke, the decisions of everyone in the camp, and it's because, ironically, you're the one who's so out of control." She downed her glass, then placed it on the table. 

Abby froze. How did Raven see through her so easily? She blinked through the haze of the moment, the effects of the liquor slipping away. Raven was standing so close, leaning over her still, exposing the slightest hint of cleavage. When had Abby's mouth started watering? It had to be some kind of cosmic joke, the fact that all of this was happening. Raven didn't even know how much control it took not to stand up and brush her lips against hers, to taste her and slide her fingers into her hair, freeing it from the constricting ponytail it was always in. 

"The only reason I feel this way is because of Clarke," Abby replied, resolutely trying to convince herself as much as Raven. 

She felt the dip in the bed as Raven sat next to her. "I wish I could help you find her. I just wouldn't know where to start."

"If I left, I'm pretty sure Kane would hunt me down and make an example of me. Again." 

Raven clenched her fists. "I swear, sometimes I want to kill that guy. Do--do your scars still hurt?" 

"Yes."

"I just...tell me how I can help." 

"You can't. Not with this. I--I really don't know how anyone can help." 

"Bullshit. You helped me when I was shot. When Finn died. With everything, and now I want to repay the favor and you're shutting me out?" Raven scoffed, then stood up. Great. Abby had come here to soothe her own temper and now Raven's was rising. This would be sure to become a colossal mess if she didn't do something. "You don't have to be the hero, every day, all the time. You can show some emotion, about Clarke, about anything. I won't think any less of you. I bet you haven't even cried--" 

"I cry about her every night," Abby snapped, her cheeks reddening as she stood up, stomped towards Raven. "I'm not heartless." 

"Oh yeah? Prove it." 

Abby's temper was still flaring, begging to be released somehow, but she stayed motionless for a few seconds, wondering if she'd actually heard correctly. There was so much energy flowing in the room, raw and real, and Abby didn't know what to do with it. She didn't usually have a problem with communicating what she was feeling, or what she wanted, but now, it was so hard. 

"I don't know what to--" 

Her words came to a halt, her mind screeching at her like brakes on a car, when she saw Raven look down at her lips. It was a fleeting moment, and the next, clear brown eyes were boring into hers again, but Abby wasn't fooled. She knew what she just saw. 

Now, she felt like maybe she wasn't so out of control after all. 

Raven, for her part, looked equal parts stunned and angry. She stood her ground, folded her arms and waited. For what, Abby wasn't sure. How was she supposed to prove she wasn't heartless? Hadn't she done that already? 

"What do you want from me?" Abby asked. 

"I want you to stop talking," Raven growled, and the next thing Abby knew, Raven had grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and pulled her close, capturing her lips, swallowing any response. Not that Abby had thought of any. It was so intense, the way Raven kissed her. Like she'd never get a chance like this again, like it was the end of the world and they were the last two people in existence. Raven moaned and it sent a warm pulse straight to Abby's core, warming her belly and stretching outward until all she could think of was Raven. 

She finally was able to run her fingers through Raven's hair, and she pulled her ponytail free. The strands were like silk, luscious and soft, and Abby kissed her deeper, wiggled in closer. Raven's tongue danced across her lips and Abby welcomed it, sighing deeply. She dimly registered the feel of Raven's hands under her shirt, rubbing her thumbs along her abdomen, and blinked before stepping back slightly. 

"Are you sure--"

"What--" Raven nipped at her neck--"did I say--" kissed her earlobe--"about talking?"

"For me to stop," Abby said, unable to keep from smirking. 

Raven rolled her eyes before Abby moved her arms up, and Raven gathered the shirt up off of her torso, over her arms, and let it fall to the floor. With lightning quick reflexes, she moved back and kissed Abby, just as fiercely as before, but with less urgency. Abby moved one of her hands to her chest and placed it on Raven's collarbone, feeling the warmth, the beating heart beneath her hand. It was as much Abby's lifeline as it was Raven's, now. Her heart was racing, full of life, and that reassurance was something she needed. 

Suddenly, Abby felt Raven pull away, and moaned softly at the loss of contact. Sweet, satisfying contact. 

"You're thinking too hard. Are you okay? Are _you_ sure about this?" 

The questions came out in a rush and Abby nodded. "Yes, Raven. Totally sure."

She stepped closer, guiding Raven close. Her hands cradled her muscular shoulders, bringing Raven towards her, and when Abby pulled Raven's shirt off, her movements were slow, but her hands weren't shaking. Raven's sports bra did nothing to hide how full her breasts were, did nothing to quell the desire spiking in Abby's entire body. Raven pulled off her own bra, before reaching her hands around and unsnapping Abby's. When their lips met again, their bare breasts touched, and Raven moaned again. If Abby hadn't been wet before, she was soaking now. She needed release. 

Raven seemed to sense that, because her hands flew to Abby's belt, unbuckling it. Her hand slipped inside, and she smirked through the kiss. She knew how wet Abby was, and Abby was just dying to feel Raven, to see how aroused she was. She hurriedly stepped out of her cargo pants when Raven crouched down and pulled them down her legs. Crouched in front of her, Raven looked up and Abby couldn't take it. The way she looked at her, like this was her last meal--like _Abby_ was her last meal--was enough to make her breath speed up, and her eyes to roll back in her head. She needed a wall to lean against, there was no way she'd be able to stand on her own. 

She backed up against the wall by the bed, and Raven followed, crawling towards her. Soaked. Abby was definitely soaked. All Raven had to do was touch her thigh, and she shivered. 

"Please, Raven--" 

"No talking," Raven commanded, before lightly touching her panties. She took her time, so unlike the quickness from before, and it made Abby want to scream. Her heart was pounding so fast, and her breath came out in deep bursts that reverberated from her diaphragm. Raven was doing all this to her, and she hadn't even touched her pussy yet. 

The seconds passed; Raven kissed Abby's right hip, then her left, then slipped off the panties and oh yes. There. Her tongue. Oh god. Abby's back hit the wall, and she moaned, part in pain, partly because--Raven's tongue, flicking back and forth, stroking her center, then sliding up to her clit. Abby placed her hands on Raven's shoulders, clasped a hand in her dark hair. She needed something to hold on, someone to hold her up.

When she came, she could swear her eyes were watering, the orgasm was that intense. She couldn't remember the last time she came like that. Nights spent alone in her bunk didn't even compare to this, this passion that oozed out of Raven's every pore. 

Raven, who for some unknown reason, still had her pants on. 

"Come here," Abby said roughly. "Right. Now." 

Raven surged up and forward, and nipped at her neck. Hickeys were the least of her worries right now, though. She wanted to taste Raven, now. Wanted to fill her up, make her come completely undone. Raven's hands were everywhere, though, running up and down her sides, over her breasts, near her hips. It was really distracting. 

Abby grabbed at Raven's shoulders again and spun them around, switching their positions so Raven was leaning against the wall. 

"Now. I'm going to take your pants off, but I need you to not distract me. Clear?" Abby breathed, gazing into Raven's eyes. Her lips looked kiss-swollen and her pupils were extremely dilated. Abby didn't need a medical degree to know how turned on she was. Soon, she'd feel for herself. 

"Crystal." 

Abby nodded, then reached down. The leg brace was easy to undo, and Raven hooked her right leg around Abby's hip as she reached towards the button on her jeans. Wet heat greeted Abby's fingers, and it felt so good. Raven rutted against her, wanting more contact, and Abby gave her that, stroking her fingers along her the short curls and stretching them into the warmth she found. She wanted to know what Raven tasted like. Pulling her hand away, she smirked as Raven moaned, then placed her fingers deep in her mouth. It probably looked ridiculous, but oh heavens, she didn't care. 

"Abby. Stop teasing. Get my pants off before I do it myself and come all over you."

Raven's voice was deep, deeper than it had ever been, and it sent a sharp, sweet thrill down Abby's spine. The jeans came off, then the shorts, Abby being careful of Raven's injury, and then she straightened, slapped one hand on the wall near Raven's head, looked deep into her eyes. The other hand drifted towards Raven's center again, and her fingers reveled in the familiarity. She pumped them back and forth, happy when that seemed to get a strong reaction from the woman leaning against the wall like she'd topple if it wasn't there. Abby knew the feeling. 

Abby kissed Raven, working her fingers inside of her, then kissed her neck, her ear, her shoulder, her breasts. Her tongue flicked at a nipple, and Raven moaned louder, grasping at her back, pulling her impossibly closer. 

"Abby--fuck!"

The moment Raven came, Abby felt it. Her body shuddered, then stilled as Raven leaned against the wall and let out a deep chuckle. 

"Why didn't we use the bed?" Raven asked when she caught her breath.

"Next time," Abby promised. 

Raven smiled, looking down at her. "Next time."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love! Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it and I love this pairing so much.


End file.
